I wonder how many wrongs I have to make before I get it right. I wonder how many people I have let down or pissed off. I wonder if I can do this. It’s no wonder I need a break.

Where is my confidence when I need it? How did I end up alienating all the people who matter to me? Could it be that my parents weren’t so wrong after all? Maybe I really can’t juggle this and that. Maybe it’s time to sit down and prioritise.

What I want in life is really that simple, having my family and friends close by, to love and be loved, to be content with what I have. But at the same time, what I want out of life is so much more. I want to strive to be better, to be more, to impress, to awe. I want to go places. I want to inspire.

I believe I am not the only person who is contradictory in that way. We can never really make up our minds about what we want. And I don’t expect I can in the next few years to come.

I shouldn’t need to talk to someone, I shouldn’t need to take a break, I shouldn’t need someone to solve my problems and I definitely shouldn’t need someone to answer my questions. But I do.

I guess I can only keep making mistakes until I finally get things right. Because like everyone else, I’m still learning.

I’m only human after all.