It’s funny how some friends remain friends, while some friends just…don’t.

I find it rather saddening actually. Because the friends who don’t last are usually friends who were really close but still somehow drifted apart. You really feel a true sense of lost. It’s like even though you miss them, you just know that no matter what you do or how much time you spend together again, nothing will be the same anymore.

But that lost is still balanced by the friends who remain friends. And thank God for these friends! They are the people who were always there and also the people who weren’t always there but you just know you can count on them. I guess some people are just different from others.

And it’s funny how you always know.

This is for all those people who are still not convinced that Hazel is the cutest baby ever.

Life is simple. Life is joyful. Life is kind to me today. =)

I wonder how many wrongs I have to make before I get it right. I wonder how many people I have let down or pissed off. I wonder if I can do this. It’s no wonder I need a break.

Where is my confidence when I need it? How did I end up alienating all the people who matter to me? Could it be that my parents weren’t so wrong after all? Maybe I really can’t juggle this and that. Maybe it’s time to sit down and prioritise.

What I want in life is really that simple, having my family and friends close by, to love and be loved, to be content with what I have. But at the same time, what I want out of life is so much more. I want to strive to be better, to be more, to impress, to awe. I want to go places. I want to inspire.

I believe I am not the only person who is contradictory in that way. We can never really make up our minds about what we want. And I don’t expect I can in the next few years to come.

I shouldn’t need to talk to someone, I shouldn’t need to take a break, I shouldn’t need someone to solve my problems and I definitely shouldn’t need someone to answer my questions. But I do.

I guess I can only keep making mistakes until I finally get things right. Because like everyone else, I’m still learning.

I’m only human after all.

I don’t know if it’s because I got up at 7am to go jogging today, or if it’s the old Chinese songs my dad is playing, or if it’s the currypuff I had for lunch, but I feel different. In a good way too.

Have you ever felt like you were looking through someone else’ eyes even when you were going about doing everything you always did? I do right now. It’s as though I was never me before and I’m discovering everything all over again.

I am rediscovering the joy Hazel brings to our family. I am rediscovering fresh air on a Saturday morning. I am rediscovering music. I am rediscovering the warm fuzzy feeling when you do a good deed. I am rediscovering the house I have been living in for the past 2 years. I am rediscovering the extra mile I would go for some things.

I have been so caught up with studying for exam that I’ve tuned out everything else. I put life on hold. I guess somewhere along the way, I lost myself in all the words and chemical equations that I have been cramming into my head. Sure, exam has been over for a week now. I went for a movie and shopping immediately after, slept a whole day away and went for a Stars Wars marathon. After that was the Return of Exam Papers. It was a full week of ups and downs that just about knocked me breathless.

I’ve only just begun breathing again. And it feels great.

I just want to let you know, when things don’t go your way, it’s okay to be angry or sad. It’s okay to go off track once in a while. I don’t want you to push yourself too hard or to force everything down. I tried putting myself in your shoes and it didn’t feel good at all.

I don’t know how to broach the topic when I’m with you. But it is what we talk about. I kind of feel as though I’m constantly treading on eggshells. So I’m telling you now, if you need timeout, I’ll understand. But don’t take too long, because I have just realised how much I need you.

How much I need all of you.

So what began as a small discussion on Facebook became a full-blown Star Wars marathon at Nick’s place, complete with pink lemonade, pizzah(!), homemade muffins, green pea soup, gummies, chips, marshmallows with smiley faces and lots of vanilla coke! In other words, Star Wars is fattening.

No lah, contrary to what I have been (loudly) proclaiming before this, Star Wars is actually quite interesting! Especially when you watch it with the right people i.e. Rachel, Carmen, Nick, Matthew and Aaron. =) I only yawned because I slept for 5 hours the night before (which is not enough!) aaand because the sofa was very comfortable! So yeah, must forgive me.

Of course, we must not forget to thank Nick for letting us use his place. I’m sure all of you know that 6 teenagers can cause quite a lot of havoc but we were on our best behaviour! So only the coffee table ended up looking like someone partied on it. Come to think of it, we didn’t help him clean up on both days. T.T I’m sorry Nick! And oh, you’ve got a supah! nice place. =) And you’re a supah! good host as well. =)

‘Twas two well-spent days methinks.

On a completely unrelated note, thank you and I love you banyak-banyak. You know who you are too. =)

I have been away for far too long! You see, I came home on Monday night to find all the wires connecting the router to the modem and CPU in a mess. Probably the handiwork of my sister, who conveniently went back to her campus already. So I set about to connect the wires back, except, I couldn’t remember how.

I didn’t have much choice though, so I just tried connecting the wires every way I could. Finally, after two days and much sneezing under the table, it worked! My sister figured that my mom forgot to pay the bills and mom reckoned that the modem overheated and broke. But I-

I worked wonders. =)

Still, I mapped a diagram of which cable to what port and stuck it to the side of the CPU. Just in case my sister goes into another fit and pulls everything out again.

And now, to update.

Actually, I think I’ll shower first.

Now I know why. And I don’t like it.

What a blemish on an otherwise perfectly good day.

But you know what, this will go away in exactly 3 days. I can take 3 days. I can take 3 bloody days worth of sidelong glances and sneers no problem.

No problem at all.

I just need deep breaths.

I feel this spasm of jealousy every time someone mention that they have watched or is going to watch 500 Days of Summer. Because I didn’t get to. =(

Oh TGV pisses me off so bad. The movie was still screening in Sunway Pyramid on Wednesday. But when Hui Yi and I went on Thursday – WHAM. NO 500 Days of Summer.

Gah.

So we watched The Private Lives of Pippa Lee instead. I heard from Hui Yi that it was adapted from a bestselling book, so I imagined that people would be swarming in to watch it. On the contrary, the cinema was close to empty! I could count the people in the hall on two hands. I had a sinking feeling.

But I was surprised! The movie wasn’t too bad. Hui Yi was right, at least it wasn’t boring. Though it seems like yet another romantic comedy on the movie poster but believe me, there was nothing romantic about it. Or comedic either. Okay, it isn’t a romantic comedy, it’s more of a drama because it certainly was dramatic as hell.

It tells the life of Pippa Lee who moves to a retirement community with her husband, Herb Lee, because he suffered several heart attacks. And because he was old (being 30 years older than Pippa!). At the same time, it also tells the story of young Pippa Sarkissian with a bipolar mother addicted to amphetamines(?). Finally driven to run away from home, she headed straight to her aunt who turned out to live with her lesbian partner, Kit. And Kit photographs- well, let’s just say Kit photographs. With much thanks to Kit, Pippa sank into a life of illegal drugs and wanton relationships. Until she met Herb and was told by him to do something with her life and of course, they formed a life together. But not before blowing the brains out of his then-wife. To be fair, the wife did threaten Pippa with a roasted pig and a gun.

Then back to Pippa Lee, married with a grownup son and daughter but way too young to live in a retirement community. She quickly develops sleepwalking, chain-smoking and an emotional affair with her neighbour’s son, who by the way walked in on his wife and best friend having sex. Oh thus, being emotionally wrecked and all, he went to live with his mother, that’s how Pippa and Chris met. Then Pippa discovers that her husband is having an affair with a friend of hers and demands for a divorce. Herb has cardiac arrest, brain dies, is taken off life support and passes away. Pippa then turns to Chris (neighbour’s son!) who becomes her lover and leaves her kids to arrange the memorial service for their father.

The End.

Now, tell me if that was dramatic enough for you.

It was different and also kind of quirky in a rather ramshackle way. I came out of the cinema not really knowing what to say about the movie. Actually, I still don’t quite know what to say about it now. There was just so much to absorb! So many turn of events, happening in extremely quick succession and not altogether believable.

I think it was difficult to really portray the complex emotions of the characters. Therefore leaving the audience uninvolved and indifferent. With this much drama, you’d have thought the cinema would be flooded with my tears but it wasn’t even enough to wet the ground. Tsk. If it wasn’t because I know myself, I would’ve thought I was becoming cold.

Anyway, a movie that leaves you speechless can only be very bad, very good or very confusing. The movie wasn’t bad, so I would settle with very confusing. But don’t let the very long-winded summary deter you from watching this movie. Sure it wasn’t exploding with wit or humour, neither was it filled with very likable characters but it was an interesting movie. Interesting in the sense that you don’t find a movie with this much drama everyday.

=)