Writing makes me feel great. ‘Nuff said. =)

Now that I’ve finished my essay, I should probably go study Physics and Chemistry, or work on my Moral project, or get some newspaper clippings for PE, or do my other essay. Yes people, there won’t be a long post for a long, long while. IMMA HARDWORKING GIRL, so I can get presents from Santa this year. ;)

Getting up at 5.30 am again sucked, but then again, getting up in the morning always sucked. I’m just glad I was so exhausted yesterday that I was as dead as a log by 10.15 pm. ;)

Seeing my classmates again was nice, even though I’m not that close with most of them. Getting the textbooks was nice too what on earth. Seeing friends and even acquaintances again was great. The rain on the first day was refreshing. Stepping into Ed Board room again was fantastic. And celebrating birthdays in school again was well, awesome lah. HAPPY BIRTHDAY NICK! ;)

Actually, it’s always awesome in the Ed Board room.

It’s good to be back.

I have realised why I feel a need to blog on bad days. It just makes me feel a whole lot better. It’s not the venting that feels good, there’s just something about writing that makes you feel on top of the world. You know when you happen to write a particularly good piece, and that knowledge just about chases away every bad feeling.

Anyway, I had a rough day, literally! I am quite sure readers of this blog would know that I went zorbing today. And so I am here to tell you that I SURVIVED! To be quite honest, there were a couple of moments while rolling down the hill when I wondered if I would die after all . =.=

Aside from that though, I honestly had a rough day at work. Wahh, I sound like an adult saying that!

I thought I toughened up after working for so long, but it took today to make me realise that all the customers I’ve met before were either really friendly, friendly enough, or just indifferent. I just had to meet a this robust woman with multiple piercings who had to be strongly expressive of her displeasure on my last day. =(

She actually really scared the living daylights out of me.

You know, writing may make me feel better and zorbing definitely takes my mind off things, but nothing/no one cheers me up like Hazel does. =)

Remember I said that I have an irrational fear of many things? Well, I decided to compile a list of these fears and try to overcome them in year 2010! So here goes:

I have an irrational fear of…

1) asking for plastic bags in restaurants.

2) Hazel preferring my maid over me one day.

3) having someone’s skates cut off my fingers if I fall while ice skating.

4) popping balloons.

5) not being married by 30 (this one cannot overcome =.= I must be married by 30).

6) talking to strangers over the phone!

7) burning myself while lighting a candle.

8) travelling alone and getting lost (how on earth am I going to fulfill my lifelong dream of visiting all the countries in the world?)

9) looking under the door or through peepholes and keyholes because I am afraid that someone will be looking back at me.

That’s all I can come up with for today because I am wahh, extremely excited for zorbing tomorrow! Let’s hope I don’t suffocate and die though. =X

There’s time yet to squeeze in one more post before 2010! But I realised that I’ve blogged just about everything I could. So I shall blog about how I am going to usher in 2010 instead!

It will be something like this:

and this:

and of course like this:

Yogood is love. So is Dutch Lady Low Fat milk. So is Hazel. <3

TA-DAH! You are looking at the photo of a REAL cashier who has dealt with REAL money $.$ and REAL customers.

My one month stint as a cashier in my dad’s restaurant is almost over, and to be honest I’m sure I won’t miss it. Wahh, okay lah, it’s not because it was a bad experience but because my dad still wants me to work part-time during weekends. =.= That is, only if I don’t have plans! ;)

Now to be really honest, it was great fun working there. It started out reeeeally difficult for me actually, because they had this different system of recording the staff’s food, got discount here discount there, discount for members and discount for staff until at the end of the day I forgot to give discounts. @.@  Plus my ‘mentor’ who was taking a 3-week leave (and also the reason I had to work!) wasn’t big on lengthy explanations. I actually went out of the way to ask ‘WHY’ every time I didn’t understand something and risked sounding very much like a retard. Which I’m pretty sure I did. T.T

After one week of training and after my ‘mentor’ left for Europe, wahh I finally got a chance to do things myself. It was as though I suddenly managed to decipher everything the previous cashier told me and everything just clicked. Although I got busier and muddled up even more, that was when I started to have fun. Getting up in the morning was still a drag but I looked forward to keeping myself busy behind the counter. And when there’s nothing to do, I play Spider Solitaire. ;) Speaking of that right, I have yet to win a single game at medium difficulty! T.T

Surprisingly, dealing with customers came naturally. Maybe there’s something about sitting behind the counter or wearing black and white all the time, I slip into the role of an obliging and polite cashier easily enough. Sometimes the customers are even nice enough to hold a conversation with me, most of them sympathetic with my situation! They insist that it must be difficult for me since I am still so young, hah!

I’d say the most challenging part of the job is answering the phone. Usually the people from the slot machine room call to order food for their customers (yes, there is a slot machine room! Posh like hotel!) and the cashier takes the order. Wahh, I can tell you I suck at that because 1) I have a very limited understanding of Cantonese and 2) I have an irrational fear of talking to strangers over the phone. Yes, I have an irrational fear of many things, like suffocating and dying while I am zorbing on Sunday.

But I am slowly overcoming that. Like I’ve said before, I vow to step out of my comfort zone. I would scarcely have believed it if you had told me a month ago that taking a job is the best thing I could have done with myself this holiday, but I certainly do now. I’ve had a glimpse of the world of working adults and really, I’m in no hurry to dive headlong into it. I am in absolutely no hurry to grow up, nobody should be.

I love life. =)

And this time I do mean it. I am going to blog about the ten toothbrushes.

I share the toilet with two sisters and my brother-in-law and no, don’t ask me why my married sister is still living with us, I am tired of explaining. =.=

Anyway, 4 of us share the toilet BUT there are 10 toothbrushes in the toothbrush holders. Yes, as you can see in the photo, we need two toothbrush holders. I admit that I have two toothbrushes there but my sisters insist that they each have only one toothbrush. Obviously my brother-in-law doesn’t own six toothbrushes. So it makes a rather curious case, no? Makes me wonder who/what else is sharing the toilet with us. HAHAHA.

I love my family and its quirks. =)

Isn’t it funny how a senior I haven’t exactly spoken to can actually be so easy to speak to, but the moment I realised that was perhaps the last I’ll see of her?

It’s like life is giving me a peek at what I could have had: another friend. It’s as though life is saying “see, you had the opportunity all year long to make yourself a friend but you didn’t. I don’t like to do this, but all the same I have to show you what could have been because it’s my job lah.”

Why did I not grab every chance I could at making friends? Why did I not embrace every opportunity that came my way? Looks like I’ve lost more than I realised. I could have made a difference. I could have changed a life. I could have proven myself. I could have made someone’s day. I could have gone that extra mile.

And you know what, I am going to. It’s not going to be ‘I could have’ anymore, it’s going to be ‘I did‘. I vow to do everything that I said I could have done because well, I still can! 2010 will be a new beginning, it will be my new beginning. I don’t know about you, but 2009 is over for me. Today and new year’s eve is like an intermission, a short moment before the curtain rises again and for the show to go on. Frankly, 2 days is not enough for me to prepare myself for another 365 days but I guess I’ll have to make do with it.

Wahh, actually I’m unprepared like mad. T.T I can’t wait for 2010 but I am unprepared.

BUT! I vow to make friends with anyone I can (okay, maybe not random strangers who might be rapists!).

I vow to take every leap!

I vow to toughen up and cry less (wahh, no more breakdown in school =.=).

I vow to give more and expect less.

I vow to work harder on my studies!

I vow to step out of my comfort zone.

I vow to love freely.

Okay the list is going to be very long. So I’m going to sum it up with this: I vow to be better.

Bring it on 2010!

I am not emo. T.T Do I sound emo to you? T.T

Just because my blog posts are sentimental does not mean that I am emo. T.T

And thus, to prove that I am not emo, I am going to blog about something unsentimental. I am going to blog about my brown cardigan.

I love my new cardigan so much that I have worn it every chance I had.

6A gathering @ Sunway Pyramid on 23rd December

I believe the only people from the gathering who reads my blog are Rach and Seck Wei so I’ll go ahead and say this: it was a lousy gathering. =.= And I had to leave just when it was getting good! But I’m sorry lah if you thought I was going to lead you guys to some nice restaurant and then found yourself in Cotton On packed full with frantic shoppers.

Christmas Eve with Hazel, sisters and brother-in-law @ Sunway Pyramid (again)

No picture of us in the crazy packed mall. So instead you get to feast your eyes on the very first photo of Hazel and I to be posted on my blog! =) She looks like an angel. =) Notice my brown cardigan!

Yuen Xin’s early birthday celebration @ Sunway Pyramid today (Wahh, I think the concierge can recognise me by my cardigan by this time. =.=)

Had a huge tea at Thai Thai (if it can be called tea!) after watching Sherlock Holmes. We actually planned to have lunch first, then watch a movie. Who knew these 3 people who said they’re coming at 11am reached at 12.15pm instead. Only Huiyi turned up at the time she said she would. Wahh, so we walked walked walked to McD’s to buy McFlurry, then walked walked walked to Burger King to buy Mozzarella Cheese Sticks to smuggle into the cinema. =)

Best picture of Melody and Agnes!

And more pictures…

…just to show you how much I love my cardigan. =)

Wahh, I forgot to mention why I love my brown cardigan as the title suggested that I would. But then again, since when did my blog post titles have to do with anything at all?

Wahhh, I just realised that I was very emo when I wrote the previous post. And so to let you guys know, I have not sunk into a deep abyss of depression. I’m still cheerful enough, considering the fact that I’m having the worst period ever!

I have something to tell everyone.

The truth is, I don’t hate my (evil) sister as much as I claim to. ;) We’ve toned down a lot on the arguing/screaming/shrieking recently. I dreaded her coming home for the holidays but now that I look back on it, I actually enjoyed her company for the past two months! Sure we’ve had the occasional disagreement but it would have been weird if we didn’t have at least one argument a week.

Considering her personality, she’s actually been pretty considerate. Actually, considering all things, she’s been nice even! Just the other day she helped me download games for my phone (Scrabble! Chess! ;) Sherlock Holmes! Worms! Guitar Hero! Chuzzle! Sudoku! Now I shall never be bored during long car rides anymore oh yeah) and paid for Domino’s and Coffee Bean. =) Guess it’s about time I prove I can be a good sister too.

Sisters annoy, interfere, criticize. Indulge in monumental sulks, in huffs, in snide remarks. Borrow. Break. Monopolize the bathroom. Are always underfoot. But if catastrophe should strike, sisters are there. Defending you against all comers.

-Pam Brown

Hell yes I know about the first part of the quote, but I am lucky enough that catastrophe has not found me yet. I hope when it strikes though, it will prove to be true. But I forget, I’m a sister too. I annoy, interfere and criticise. I indulge in monumental sulks, in huffs and in snide remarks. I borrow and I break. I monopolise the bathroom and am always underfoot. But I know if catastrophe should strike, I’ll be there for them, defending them against all comers. And I have confidence that my sisters would do the same for me too.

For those who don’t know, I have two sisters. One 26 this year and the supposedly evil one 22. Probably because of the huge age gap between them and I, we were never close. Ever since I was 10 or 11 — the age when I stopped being ‘cute’ — my sisters did no more than tolerate me. I was never accepted into their conversation unless I’m being teased and my opinion carried less weight than a feather. It was a difficult time for my self-esteem.

I truly yearned for sisterly affection. I could feel what it’s like to have it, how I would cherish it and imagine the great things it would do me. They say you can’t miss what you never had. It’s true I never had it, but I certainly saw it everyday. Because unlike my sister’s relationship with me, their relationship was the kind I always wanted. They depended on each other, shared their secrets with each other, laughed at each other. That was where my self-esteem received a beating I suppose. We live under the same roof, so why is it easy to be a sister to one and difficult to the other?

I did try you know. I tried to be more intelligent, so that my opinion would matter. I tried to find out what they like, so that our opinions would coincide and they would see that perhaps I’m not that much different from them. I tried writing heartfelt letters to them because I was too terrified of telling them what I felt face-to-face. I tried to tell them about my day, so that they would know me better.

Perhaps some of you without a sister may not understand why I want a sister who really acts like a sister so much. I’m not quite sure myself. I grew up knowing that sisterly affection exists. I grew up knowing how wonderful it is to have a loving sister. But I have not experienced any of it myself. I just know that I have two sisters, yet I don’t really have a sister.

Finally, somewhere in the years of fruitless attempt at improving our relationship, I started to close up. I know I did. I used to be a lot more chatty at home. I’ve learned not to give opinions where it is not wanted. I tried to be as different as possible from my sisters. I gave up on goosebumps-inducing letters. I never tell them about my life in school lest they have more reason to tease me. At home, I am quiet (unless forced to defend myself in an argument!), I don’t get in their way, I don’t offer opinions, I cry by myself. I sort of lead a double life actually, not in the sense that I have two families who don’t know about each other (=.=), but I’m very different with friends. I used to wonder which is the ‘real’ me: the passive, quiet one at home or the active and slightly weird one away from home. Now, I know. And I’m glad to say that it’s the active, (spontaneous!) and weird one. =)

The quiet one is a mask-like personality I have adopted at home, to protect myself from more disappointment. The truth is, I still yearn for sisterly affection. It has eluded me for so long, now it’s starting to come in sight. Still a distant dot far away, but visible now. Perhaps it’s time to start hoping again. =)

Also also, I depended a lot on my friends to keep me sane and cheerful. Sometimes I acted like a little sister so they could take care of me instead. During my time in high school, I have found friends, so many friends that I thought could fill in the spot I reserved for my sisters. I thought wrong. Nobody can possibly substitute my sisters. But I have a lot to thank my friends for as well, they taught me so much, whether they know it or not.

Wahh, I wanted to write a short happy post but ended up writing another long emo post. What to do? I’ve got so much to say.